Remember
by lumoscrimsom
Summary: Sirius has taken to using girls to get through his attraction to Remus.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers:** Not mine. Anyone feeling generous enough to get the rights for me…?

**A/N:** Another oneshot ¬_¬ I'm on a non-chaptered roll. Anyway, bon apetit!

**Warnings:** Might start putting these on, since a couple of people have looked at my stuff, seen it's all Remus and Sirius and mistook it for het :P In all seriousness though, I apologise to anyone I have scarred and announced this as a Wolfstar slash fic :)

Sirius Black had never been interested in girls and had never had a girlfriend. He never noticed their attentions trained on him and the hopeful flirting and had never singled anyone out. It seemed that he was simply too occupied with his friends and their fun around school to pay attention to the fairer sex. That was what his aforementioned friends thought, anyway.

When someone like Sirius wants a secret to be kept, it had better be believed that no one will ever hear of it again. The secret was that Sirius Black was a secret player. He took girls up to the astronomy tower or somewhere equally 'romantic' for a night and then broke up with them immediately after he had gotten what he wanted. This unknown fact about Sirius stayed as such due to the embarrassment and humiliation of the girls who didn't tell even their friends of the real reason for his request for their company, passing it off as an aide for homework, or advice – and of course, Sirius himself hasn't told anyone, because he is far too ashamed to admit it to one of his friends in particular in fear of being criticised.

It was Saturday night and Sirius could be found sitting atop the astronomy tower with his jeans undone and his shirt lying on the floor beside his combat boots. He had a cigarette lit between his teeth and was watching the girl, Mia or something, dress.

"I've had fun." She was saying, fastening her red skirt and picking up her shirt. _Of course you have_, Sirius thought listlessly, "I'll meet you at breakfast? I have to go back to the Ravenclaw common room now, or—"

"I don't want to date you." Sirius interrupted. Mia blinked, looking as though she thought she had misheard him.

"I…what?"

"I don't want to date you." He repeated, sounding almost bored with the conversation.

"But I— we— you sounded like…you were so sweet." She stuttered, confused and hurt.

"I can be when I want something." Sirius shrugged, taking a drag and opening his mouth to let the smoke float out, "I just needed to shag someone, so I found someone. You were very willing, so it was easy. Cheers for that."

Mia abandoned her shirt in aide of looking more confused and hurt instead, "Why me? Why me as your first?" she demanded. Sirius barked a harsh laugh, the grieved sound disturbing as it echoed off the walls.

"You think you're the first?" he asked, some emotion finally seeping into his voice in the form of faint disbelief, "I'm not even attracted to you, darling, so get any ideas you have about me _liking_ you out of your head."

"Not attracted to me?" she scoffed, getting angrier by the second, "You seemed to be when you were on top of me, panting and moaning like a dog in heat."

Sirius smiled distantly at the ironic simile and took another drag as he got to his feet and stepped close to her, bending until his mouth brushed her neck, his bare chest brushing the tips of her breasts lightly, making her gasp sharply, still oversensitive after her climax.

"I'll tell you a secret." He whispered, smoke dropping from between his lips as he spoke and warming the skin on her neck and shoulder, "Whoever I'm with, I close my eyes and imagine it's someone else writhing beneath me and calling my name. Someone I can't have."

"Who?" she asked quietly, "I deserve to know who."

For some reason Sirius answer. Maybe he wanted it all to end – the longing glances in the dormitory or in class, the secret wishes in his dreams at night and when he fell asleep next to him in the common room, the breathy gasps of his name behind red hangings and hasty silencing charms.

"Remus Lupin."

Whatever the reason, it felt good to finally say it.

"Lupin?" she sneered, taking a step back, "_Lupin_? You're humiliating me for _him_? What the hell has he got that interests you so much?" she takes a deep breath as though to calm herself, "You've picked the wrong girl to play this time, Black. I'll get you back – I'll tell everyone about your little crush."

Sirius merely shrugged, "Oh, it's way more than a little crush. Go ahead, it can't hurt anymore than it already does, so go ahead. Do your fucking worst." He slid back down the wall, watching thin plumes of smoke rising from the end of his cigarette. "Get dressed and piss off already."

Mia scowled, but approached him after pulling her top on and stepping into her shoes. "Look, I feel sorry for you, so I'll give you the rest of the night to tell Lupin. Don't think it's because I'm forgiving you or anything, you're still a prick. I pity you, Black. You obviously have issues and I guess that has more than a little to do with what I've heard about your family."

"When I'm with Remus, I'm different." Sirius said quietly, shifting his gaze to look out onto the grounds, lit only by the half moon and the stars, "I'm less like _them_."

Shaking her head with a sigh, Mia turned and left, calling over her shoulder that she would telling people at breakfast. The astronomy tower was quiet, but for Sirius' increasingly laboured breathing once the door had swung closed. In a bout of anger and frustration, he leapt to his feet and turned to drive his fist into the wall. He gritted his teeth instead of crying out, relishing the feel of the bones in his knuckles crunching and giving way into splinters inside his hand and the warm, coppery blood oozing from the self-inflicted wounds.

Once the moment of adrenaline had dissipated, however, the quiet self-loathing returned and he sighed tiredly, bending to pull on his boot and t-shirt one-handed, dropping his cigarette and snubbing it out with a toe when he was finished. He made his way back to the Gryffindor common room after a while, hiding his hand inconspicuously behind his back as he approached James and Peter playing chess near the fire.

"Remus," he asks, feeling emotionally and physically worn out, instead of elated and relaxed seeing as he had just had sex, "Where is he?"

"With that Zoe girl, I think." James answered, capturing one of Peter's pawns, "Where have you been? I thought we were going to plan that prank on the Slytherins?"

"I had someone to see." Sirius answered non-committedly, the words _with that Zoe girl_ floating around his head and clouding his vision, "I'm going to bed."

Ignoring James' queries of why he was turning in so early, he turned and ascended the stairs to their dormitory, where he crossed over to his bed and collapsed there, his dully throbbing hand resting carefully on his stomach and – having no more energy to fret or punch anything with his good hand – promptly fell asleep.

LINEBREAK

Remus opened the door quietly and closed it even more so, having been told that Sirius would be asleep. He looked over to check and was startled to see a pool of red soaked into his t-shirt from under and on his hand. Mad images of stab wounds and sword fights flew through Remus' mind before he grasped his rationality for which he was so infamous and approached the bleeding boy to gently shake him awake.

He pauses before he does so, though, instead looking over the black circles under his eyes and the frown he wore even in his sleep. There had been something wrong with Sirius for a while, but none of his friends knew what it was. Remus wondered if he would ever find out as he proceeded to wake Sirius.

"What have you done to yourself?" he asked gently, looking Sirius in the eye and then back at his bloodied hand, "And why come here instead of the hospital wing?" Sirius made no answer, so Remus sighed and produced his wand to perform a couple of specific healing charms and a cleaning charm to right the bone damage and the broken skin and syphon the blood from his clothes. Sirius watched him with oddly wistful and sad eyes that Remus thinks are curious but doesn't question.

"You'd make a good healer." Sirius praised, flexing his fingers experimentally.

"I can only do what will save my life by a small margin on the full moons after I've left school and there's no Madam Pomfrey to save the day." He shrugged, "Sirius, what's wrong?"

Remus expected to hear either no answer or to get told to mind his own business, especially since Sirius looked as though he was about to shout and scream, but was surprised when instead his friend's face fell and he fell forward on him, arms slung around him, face pressed into his neck. He told him everything, not crying but talking with a dead, hopeless voice that made crying the better prospect – how he seduced girls and kept it all a secret, how he was terrified that he was becoming like his family, how he had picked wrong that night and how she was going to tear his world apart tomorrow. And finally, how he felt for Remus.

"Then I came here and James told me you were with Zoe," Sirius finished lamely, "And then you came…"

Remus frowned, spotting the issue immediately, "I was only tutoring her, Sirius. I stared a couple of weeks ago, remember? Anyway, it would never work out with Zoe since I'm gay."

Sirius blinked, speechless for a minute before asking in a strained voice, "How…how long…? No, that doesn't matter – will you go out with me?"

Remus hesitated before answering, "Sirius, it sounds as though there's a whole other side of you I don't know yet and I'm not sure I would ever want to know, but surely would be inevitable if we were to get together."

Looking crestfallen, Sirius started to lie back down, eyes drifting vaguely away from Remus, who continued forcefully and pulled his friend back around to face him, "But I am willing to try."

Without waiting for a reaction, Remus leant forward and planted a brief, barely-there kiss on Sirius' parted lips. Sirius, disbelieving of what was happening, didn't react, even when Remus stood up to made his way to the door. Before he left, Remus turned and gave Sirius a wry smile.

"If you treat me like you treat your women, remember that I'm capable of leaving you in the way you have left so many others. Remember that and it'll be fine."

It was only once the door had closed softly behind him could Sirius lie back down and think coherently, his slightly aching hand touching his lips lightly, the memory of the kiss fresh and delightful in him mind. He knew, deep within him, that Remus' threat would never have to be enacted; he had never loved the girls, had never really loved anything in another way to he loved his friends, and he loved Remus – needed him like he needed oxygen and he would make him see that no matter the cost. He flexed his fingers once more and found the pain, for the first time in months, abhorrent, no longer relishing the dull throb as a filler for his unrequited feelings for a certain werewolf friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, all the beautiful and talented J.K. Rowling's. Hmm? What's that? Flattery will get me nothing? Well, damn. Time to baking a giant-ass cake, biatches.

**A/N:** Okay, so don't torch me for uploading an update for a fic that was supposed to be a one shot, when I'm supposed to writing Leopard Print, Guide to Seduction and keeping my promise by continuing Tattoo Tissue, but I've had major writer's block and I was listing to the Arctic Monkeys' _Do I Wanna Know_ and this just came to me. Do not fret, though, my readers, I am currently finishing a chapter for Leopard Print Thongs :) Enjoy!

Hands grabbed at his robes, tugging at them insistently. Remus laughed, the low, mocking sound aimed at the other boy. Aimed to hurt. Aimed to be cruel. The other boy heard the laugh, but continued to lift the robes over Remus' head, ripping his shirt open. Buttons popped and tore from the thin white material, hitting the floor with surprisingly loud clatters. The ruined shirt was pushed open, revealing a scarred and lithely muscled torso. The other boy, some sixth year Ravenclaw, ran his hand over the scars, some still puckered and others smoothed by the flow of time. The hands, slim and long, smoothed back up and over Remus' shoulders and down his shirt-clad arms to his hands, larger and rough.

Remus tore his hands from the boy's grasp, denying the romantic intimacy he obviously sort for. The Ravenclaw swallowed, his face a sudden mixture of fleeting emotions, some of which made Remus shiver with the intensity of the want displayed in those lowered blue eyes. The control he had over this younger boy – over a Ravenclaw, of all things – sent a thrill through him, flooding below his navel. Control was something he had never been allowed to have when he had been with _him_. The boy felt his response and lowered himself to his knees, his eyes never leaving Remus', as if asking for his permission. Remus made no answer, but simply folded his arms and leant back against the shelves of the cupboard, watching as the boy clumsily lowered the zip on his trousers and reached inside his boxers. Remus' breath didn't even hitch when he both watched and felt the Ravenclaw's warm, wet mouth close around him.

It was nice enough, of course, been given a blowjob in a broom cupboard. But it was never enough unless it was _him_, unless it was hot and hard and heavy, filled with a delicious lust and desire, swimming with passion and emotion. Remus closed his eyes, willing himself not to think about _him_. Not about _him_. Never again.

That train of thought, however, was broken off when the boy pulled back with a wet pop and looked up at him with wide eyes. "I think there's someone outside." He whispered anxiously. Remus looked down the boy with something akin to distaste in his gaze and was unable to do anything to keep it from translating to kid on his knees before him.

"They won't come in." Remus said, hearing his voice coming out too flat and emotionless, "Touch yourself, hurry it up."

The boy looked momentarily disappointed that Remus wouldn't be returning the favour, but went back to his task eagerly enough, his other hand able to easily access his trousers and free his own arousal, his robes already in a crumpled head on the floor. Remus watched him with a slight curl of his upper lip, wondering with a hint of disgust if that was how pathetic he had been with _him_. Willing and ready to do anything. The thought made Remus start to go soft. He groaned in disbelief, leaning his head back; he didn't want to leave without getting what he had come for, but there was no helping it if the boy didn't arouse him enough.

"Leave it alone!"

Remus picked his head back up, werewolf senses pricked and listening. The Ravenclaw had heard anything, too caught up in his own world down on the floor, but Remus had heard each word as though the speaker was right beside him. The voice was, unmistakably, James'. Standing right outside the broom cupboard. Another voice, one that sparked so many conflicting emotions in him, muffled and hoarse. Remus rolled his head back again, groaning with an entirely different meaning this time, picturing _him_ outside, trying to fling the door open, James trying to stop him. His arms uncrossed themselves, letting his hands knot in the boy's short blonde hair. The Ravenclaw sensed the change in Remus' mood, felt it between his lips, and moaned, the vibrations humming through the werewolf as he listened to the struggle outside.

Suddenly, light flood across Remus' closed eyelids as the Ravenclaw cried out around him and shuddered, spilling onto the floor. Remus pulled on the boy's hair roughly, forcing himself down his throat, his head rolling forwards. His eyes cracked open lazily as he came silently, filling the boy's mouth and hearing him choke and splutter as he looked up at _him_ from under hooded lids. A sadistic smirk tugged at one corner of his mouth as his pulled out of the boy's mouth and tucked himself back in his trousers, amber eyes never leaving grey.

"Re- Remus." Sirius whispered, his breath hitching on the werewolf's name. Remus bent to retrieve his robes and fold them over his arm methodically, half-heartedly tugging his torn shirt together. He glanced around distractedly and looked at the boy, who was still on the floor, looking both terrified and ridiculous at being caught with one half of Hogwart's newest couples by the other half.

"My tie." Remus said to the boy impatiently, "Where is it?"

The boy glanced around hurriedly and retrieved the tie, passing it up to Remus. The werewolf considered the Ravenclaw for a second, before reaching down to wipe the corner of his mouth with his thumb. A low growl came from the general direction of Sirius as Remus pushed by him into the low light of the corridor. It was past curfew and he needed to be back in the tower. He ignored the pale and worried expression on James' face and strolled towards the staircase as though he hadn't a care in the world. No one saw the façade crack as he turned the corner at the top of the staircase and the sounds of pained cries – so different from pleasured moans earlier – echoed from two very different boys below in two very different ways, the third boy attempting and failing to mediate an understanding between them.

Shouts of pain from the Ravenclaw echoed through the corridors as Sirius took his frustration out on the unfortunate pawn, whilst Remus slumped down the wall, bringing his knees up to his chin and hugging his robes to him as he sobbed, the dangerous mixture of arousal and anger having dissipated along with his orgasm. Footsteps approached to the background noise of Sirius' fists pounding at the Ravenclaw and the boy's cries.

"Why are you doing this to each other?" James asked with a sad sigh as he sat down next to Remus. The werewolf rubbed at his eyes roughly, frustrated at showing weakness to the person who would tell Sirius about his tears at the next available opportunity.

"I warned him, Prongs." Remus answered, his voice a hoarse croak. His cleared his throat and looked sideways at James, hoping to convey that even though he was hurting, he didn't regret giving Sirius a sample of the pain he was experiencing, "I told him that if he treated me like treats all of those girls, that I'd leave him."

"You've done more than that."

"You expect me to lie down and take his shit?" Remus spat, making to stand up, "You think I should just turn a blind eye as he fucks his way through the population of the school and pretend it's not happening like the obedient little boyfriend I am?"

James sighed and pulled Remus back down, putting a comforting arm around him, "Of course not. I just meant…Merlin, I don't know, Moony. I'm caught in between my two best friends here, having to watch you both tear the other apart. What am I supposed to say?"

Remus leaned into James, tears escaping once again and dripping from his chin. "Say that it'll be okay." He begged, a sob cracking through the last word, "Tell me that I'll stop loving him….that…that it'll stop hurting when he walks all over me like I don't mean anything to him."

James didn't say anything, both of them aware that even if he did, none of it would be true, so he tightening his hold on his friend instead and pulled Remus' head onto his shoulder to let the other boy cry it all out like he should have done the night he had caught Sirius with a younger Gryffindor in his bed.

Meanwhile, Sirius was crouched over the Ravenclaw on the floor below, his head in his hands as he stared blankly at the blood started to dry on the kid's nose. He was alright, of course, just out cold. Sirius wasn't a killer. Although it felt like he could be when it came to Remus. Fucking Remus, fucking other blokes where he knew Sirius would find him, when he knew Sirus was in possession of the fucking map. If there was any time to prove to the petulant werewolf that he was sorry, it was now. Before he lost him for good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** It ain't mine, but the depressing shit is. Joy.

**A/N:** Thought I'd finally get this one written and posted to put you all out of your misery. This is the last part of a threeshot, so enjoy!

Remus watched the sparks and flames dance together in the fireplace of the Gryffindor common room, his elbows balanced on his knees and his hands folded beneath his chin as he stared into the fire. His blank mesmerisation was not allowed to last for very long, though, as the portrait hole opened to emit someone. It wasn't hard to guess who it was; not many people were roaming the school in the dead of night.

Wondering vaguely why Sirius was simply standing there beside the closed portrait, but he knew the answer anyway. Remus wasn't usually sitting in the common room at this time when he couldn't sleep. No, he liked to molest boys in broom cupboards. That would have been Sirius' answer if the boy was acting normal instead of moping around the castle, depressed and dejected. None of the Marauders were acting normally these days: Remus and Sirius were broody and withdrawn; James was often seen sitting alone, staring into space; Peter was openly irritated by the change of dynamics within the group.

"You usually go to the astronomy tower."

Remus started at the familiar, yet unfamiliar voice. It was hoarse betraying that Sirius had been crying. It broke Remus' heart and made him wish that he could stop this and go back to when they were happy. Whether that meant going back to before the transformation of their relationship or before Sirius cheated, he wasn't sure.

"It's cold up there." Remus answered, hearing his own deadened voice and being unable to recognise it as his own. He heard footsteps, but kept his eyes trained on the fire as Sirius took a set in the arm chair opposite him. A long silence stretched out between them, but it wasn't awkward, but nor was it comfortable. The hurt had gone on for too long for any moment between them both to be anything anymore.

The incident with Remus and the Ravenclaw boy had been three months ago and Sirius had yet to directly confront him about it. Remus had been told by James of Sirius' rants, tears and hopes, but had not sort the boy out to hear it for himself. He wasn't sure what his reaction would be if they spoke and he hadn't wanted to at all, but it seemed to be happening anyway.

"I wanted to talk to you, actually." Sirius said quietly. Remus could see his hands twisting and fidgeting from his peripheral vision.

"I don't see how that could help." Remus sighed, squeezing his eyes closed and pressing his knuckles against them. He continued before Sirius could interrupt as Remus knew he would heatedly attempt to, "You hurt me, Sirius. You told me that I could trust you, so I gave everything to you and you treated me like shit. I told you to remember that if you treated me like you've treated your women that you would regret it."

"I have." Sirius whispered, "I still do. Remus—"

"You've brought something out in me I hadn't known I'd possessed." Remus interrupted, hearing his voice crack but feeling as though he was listening to someone else speak, "I've hurt other people in my drive to hurt you. I've done horrible things, Sirius, and you're the one who's done this to me."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know you are!" Remus snapped, finally looking up at Sirius. The boy was sat on the edge of his armchair, slumped forward dejectedly. His face seemed thinner than usual, his cheekbones more pronounced than Remus remembered. The usually silky black hair was lank, as though it hadn't been washed in weeks and his hands were shaking in his lap, twitching and quivering every other moment as though Sirius was trying to stop them from doing so. Remus was sure he looked just as bad – he hadn't been able to look at his reflection for weeks, scared of what he might see there.

"I know you are." Remus repeated, his voice gentler. Sirius' grey eyes came up to meet his and he flinched, but was unable to look away. The gleam in the silver was gone and the boy seemed older, somehow. As though he had aged years in their separation.

"I was scared." Sirius said suddenly, snapping Remus out of his inner monologue. He focused again to see Sirius dropping to his hands and knees on the floor to crawl towards him. Remus flinched, but Sirius didn't come any closer than to kneel at his feet and stare up at him imploringly. "I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I've never had anyone…anyone love me like you do- did."

"Sirius—" Remus started, making as though to get up. Sirius placed a hand on his knee and he froze before sinking back down into the chair. He wasn't sure if he had wanted Sirius to stop him from going and if that was why he had perhaps pretended to go.

"Please, just listen." Sirius pleaded, moving his other hand to join the first on Remus' leg, "I need you to at least listen to me."

Remus nodded and Sirius sighed in relief and went on, "I've been doing some thinking and I think that's why I slept with all those girls and dumped them straight after. I was scared that they would dump me first. I've always had rejection from my family and I wanted to- to be the one to take charge for once." Sirius lowered his eyes, playing with a thread on Remus' robes nervously, "I think that by letting you love me and you knowing that I loved you…I think I was scared that you would reject me in the end and that I'd be left with nothing like I always am."

His heart was breaking with each word the boy spoke, but Remus made no move and made no sound to interrupt Sirius as he continued in his gruff, broken voice, "I know I did something really stupid by bringing that girl into your bed, I _know_ and I don't think I'll ever understand why that was how expressed my fear over us. I just hope that you can understand that now that I've experience what it's like to be loved by you, I want it back because I don't think anyone else could make me feel like that. I don't expect you to forgive me, or to take me back, but I hope you can understand that I'm not scared anymore."

"You're not the only one who needs forgiveness." Remus said quietly, moving his hand hesitantly to rest it atop both of Sirius'. Sirius' head snapped up to stare first at their touching hands and then at Remus, his eyes welling up. Remus watched his expression shift through a complex range of emotions. "I've done some horrible things to you, Sirius, all because I wanted revenge. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be walked all over like a doormat."

"I didn't—"

Interrupting Sirius by jumping to his feet, Remus pushed him back onto the rug before the fire, his eyes blazing with the reflection of the flames as he clenched his fists and stared down at the boy incredulously.

"Don't you _dare _sit there and tell me that you didn't treat me like shit," Remus spat, ignoring the stinging in his eyes in favour of watching Sirius' fearful expression as he stared up at him from his position sprawled across the floor. "You don't even- you can't- fuck."

Giving up, Remus slumped back into the armchair and covered his face with his hands in a poor attempt to hide his tears from Sirius. A hand slid over his knee tentatively and Remus froze, looking up to stare at Sirius.

"Remus, I want you." Sirius whispered, leaning forwards as he gazed pleadingly into Remus' eyes. The fingers on Remus' knee crept upwards to his thigh, the gesture instantly made intimate. "I want us to be together. I promise I won't do anything to hurt you against. I couldn't bear to, I _couldn't_."

A tremor ran through Remus' body as he stared into those beseeching grey eyes. He wanted Sirius and he knew that he would probably cave, give in to the boy's tempting offer. But he couldn't risk being hurt again – like he had told Sirius, he had laid his soul bare and had it trampled on for his trouble. Just as Sirius was starting to smile hopefully, Remus grabbed both of his wrists and pushed him back with a low growl. They both tumbled to the floor, Sirius landing hard on his back and Remus coming to land on top of him.

"You don't get to have me, Sirius. You ruined your chances when you destroyed _us_ and when you destroyed our fucking friendships and everything else you could get your hands on!" Remus snapped, his voice rising with each word until he was screaming in Sirius' face, "You've turned me into someone like- like _you_ and I…" His voice cracked, but he ignored the emotion welling up inside him and sat back on his heels, resting on Sirius' hips to stare down at him.

"Remus." Sirius said. The word started out imploringly, but lengthened into a long groan when Remus shifted on his hips to pin his hands again. Remus paused, staring in disbelief as Sirus' cheeks coloured in embarrassment, and shifted slightly to check that he had suspected correctly.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Remus demanded, "I'm pouring my fucking heart out to you, you bloody bastard, and you get a _fucking hard on_?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I haven't been able to touch you in so long and I—" Sirius started, reaching for Remus, but his hands were batted away in frustration a moment before a fist drove into his face. Remus watched him catching his breath, his own chest heaving. "Moony…"

"Don't you dare call me that, Black." Remus snarled in a low voice that made him think of the wolf. He couldn't bring himself to care in that moment, so he used it to his advantage instead and used his vexation to grasp Sirius' hair in one hand and lift his face close to his own. "Don't call me anything."

Sirius made as though to answer, but changed his mind half way through and closed his mouth to look up at Remus silently. One side of his face was reddening as Remus watched, the marks coming up in the distinct shape of a fist. His eyes glued to the image of his mark upon Sirius, Remus realised suddenly that it had gone too far – that it needed to stop. He didn't know that the step beyond intentional physical and emotional wounding was and he wasn't overly eager to find out.

"Sirius." Remus said suddenly, watching as grey eyes lifted warily to meet his. Sirius didn't answer and Remus was astounded to see his eyes filling with tears and was ashamed to know that he had caused them. Repeating his name in a broken whisper, Remus leaned down and brushed his lips against Sirius'. The other boy stiffened under him, his eyes going wide in alarm. "I'm not going to hurt you." Remus whispered to prevent his voice from breaking as he released Sirius' hair to cup his face gently where he had hit him, "I won't hurt you."

"I love you." Sirius said quickly, his voice breaking into a heartbroken sob. Remus nodded and leaned down to give him a kiss that was less of a mere brush and more of a desperate heat. When they broke apart, Remus looked down to find Sirius weeping quietly and repeating, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

"Padfoot," Remus murmured, catching the other boy's attention. Sirius blinked up at him, fear in his eyes as though he believed Remus was about to jump up and tell him that he was kidding and how pathetic he was. Instead, he leaned down again to gentle kiss each tear on Sirius' face before pulling away enough to add, "I love you, too."

"I'm sorry." Sirius repeated helplessly. Remus shook his head and ground himself down against the bulge in the other boy's trousers, enjoying his startled yelp and widening eyes. "Wha—?" Sirius started, but was cut off by Remus' tongue running along his lower lip and slipping into his mouth. Without giving him a chance to ask any further questions or attempt to protest, Remus was reaching beneath him and yanking at Sirius's robes.

"Off." Remus murmured, giving an approving hum when Sirius lifted his body up for a moment to allow his robes to be pulled up and over his head. Once his own robes were lying on the floor as well, Remus looked down at Sirius and asked, "Are you…if you don't want to, it's fine."

"This is strange," Sirius said with a weak smile, "Usually it's me saying that to you."

"No, it's not." Remus laughed softly, trailing his fingers down Sirius' chest to unbutton his trousers quickly, "You never give me a choice." Sirius' reply was cut off by a low moan as Remus released him from the confines of his trousers and wrapped a confident hand around him.

"Moony," Sirius gasped, arching up into Remus' touch, "I- I need you. Is it okay if—?"

Sirius' tentative question was cut off by a long moan after which the next moments came and went with a hasty urgency neither boy could stop. They were a tangle of sweaty limbs before the fire, entirely wrapped up in one another in every sense of the word. _Hot, full, more_. Sirius was everywhere, but it wasn't enough, never enough. Remus pushed back, asking for more with each raspy cry, his legs wrapped around Sirius' waist to pull him deeper, to feel him. _Need, more, want_. A rush of shouts and clenching muscles and it was all over.

Remus lay in Sirius' arms, his face buried in his lover's neck as they both lay in silence, listening to the crackling of the fire. Sirius started to run his fingers through Remus' hair slowly, his nails dragging along his scalp in the way only Sirius knew he liked. Unable to stop himself, Remus hummed contentedly, nuzzling closer to his lover and wrapping their legs together.

"We should go upstairs." Sirius whispered softly, "We can't fall asleep naked and be found by a few first years."

Remus only made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat and stayed where he was. He felt, rather than heard, a low chuckled form in Sirius' chest and closed his eyes, feeling sleep creeping up on him. As he drifted off, Remus knew his dreams would no longer be plagued with hurt and despair, but soft touches and smiling grey eyes.

The next morning, James woke early to find two of his dorm mates missing from their beds. With a curse muttered under his breath, he stumbled out of bed tiredly – he hadn't been getting much sleep between caring for both Sirius and Remus between their nightmares and various fights – and yanked some clothes on. Grabbing his wand, he hurried from the dorm and flew down the stairs into the common room, his eyes instantly searching the room from behind his glasses, looking for an unconscious Sirius or a weeping Remus.

He found neither, his eyes landing instead on the two people sleeping beside the dwindling fire. The light of dawn was streaming through the windows, lighting their bare bodies in a dim glow and casting an almost ethereal radiance around them. James shook his head with a small smile and flicked his wand at the pair, redressing them in their abandoned robes in case any innocent, younger students came down and saw them before they awoke.

**A/N2:** There you are. Review!


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